An Unacceptable Loss
by Anastashia
Summary: Tyr meets someone who causes him to remember something from his past


An Unacceptable Loss  
  
Part 1  
Present  
  
Tyr is engaged in battle, both weapons blazing  
  
The child, a boy perhaps 10; he sees him running from the corner of his eye. The boy hesitates somewhat frightened by the bulk of the man he sees, but he looks back only briefly then runs toward Tyr.   
  
Tyr thinks, it isn't a Nietzschean child, but it is a child, somebody's progeny, somebody's promise. He smoothly holsters one of his weapons, bends down and scoops the child unto his forearm.  
  
He'll have to retreat now he thinks, bile rising in his throat. I won't be able to manuever as well, hindered by the child. Only one weapon, not enough fire power to hold them off. They'd both be in unacceptable danger.  
  
He begins to move warily through the village. The boy seems to become more aware of the carnage around him, appears to be searching. A split second before the boy turns to look in the same direction as Tyr, Tyr notices the woman. Looks at her face, looks at the boy. The boy buries his head in Tyr's shoulder.  
  
Part 2  
Past  
  
It's getting dark. The shrine has closed. Tyr and Gerek, his 11 year old cousin are on the heights to the West. He scans the Eastern horizon. Where are Tavon and Terrel, his 14 and 16 yr old brothers? If Terrel knew Tyr was not where he belonged he would scold him severly. So why aren't they where they belong?   
  
Then he's tackled from behind and he knows immediately where Terrel and Tavon are. "How do you ever hope to become a shrine guard?" says Tavon sacrastically as he pushes his brother's face toward the ground. "You can't even hear, or sense, let alone fight!"   
"Not so roughly" says Terrel, placing a hand on Tavon's shoulder, "He's your brother, not your enemy. This is supposed to help him sharpen his skills, not hurt him." he says with a hint of annoyance in his voice.  
  
Tavon lets go, but Tyr's face is too close to the ground. The blow as he strikes it will leave a bruise. Terrel leans down to pick him up, starts to brush off his clothing, but Tyr is angry. He pushes his brother away and stalks off. Terrel turns and gives Tavon an annoyed look. Gerek, sitting on the rock where Terrel had set him after grabbing him from behind, slides off and heads toward his home.  
  
Tyr walks in blind anger. He knows his eldest brother would never hurt him; pin him in a wrestling match yes, hold off his thrusts in boxing yes, knock him off his feet in staff sparring yes, but hurt him, never. With Tavon it's exactly the opposite. But his anger starts to cool as he realizes it is Terrel he's pushed away.  
  
Where is he? Oh yes, the the alley under the shrine's northern parapet. It's dark, a place he's not supposed to be. He feels a hand on his shoulder and he's spun around, but not roughly. One of the real shrine guards. "What are you doing here, Tyr Anasazi?" says Lerek Tel. " You should be on your way home, or at least with your brothers collecting your sister from the shrine.  
  
"Brief difference of opinion" he says sheepishly , and heads for the shrine entrance.  
  
Part 3  
Present  
  
Tyr makes his way through the alleys of the destroyed settlement, avoiding the places where the battle still rages. He looks for a place where they can wait out the rest of the conflict, or at least where he can hide the boy if it comes to that. He spots a very small alley that leads down into a low spot backed by the escarpment to the north.   
'Do I literally want my back against the wall,' he thinks momentarily, but then, 'I'd only need to defend the one approach.' Besides the only reason he'd gotten into this thing in the first place was to draw them away from the departing Maru. Now he really does need a safe place to await their return for him. Yes, the escarpment overhangs a sheltered spot, not exactly a cave but it would do. He cautiously moves under the towereing wall.  
  
The boy is still sobbing quietly, his head buried on Tyr's shoulder. Tyr places him on a large boulder and slides down to the cave floor beside him. He takes a water bottle from the pouch at his side and takes a long pull. He offers it to the child a questioning look in his eyes. The boy takes it, quenches his thirst, and hands it back.   
  
"She was your mother?" Tyr says, not looking at the boy, but at the entrance to their hiding place. He's startled by the sharp intake of breath. As he turns to the boy the child breaks into tears again. 'Oh that was perfect,' Tyr thinks berating himself. He stands, reaches down, and picks the child up into his arms again. Then he thinks of the other 10-yr old boy.  
  
Part 4  
Past  
  
Tyr is helping his father when his mother calls them for the evening meal. He walks into the common room and his eyes catch his next eldest sibling, 11 year old Tavia, as she helps their mother. She is concentrating on the dish in her hands. But still he veils his eyes, quietly slipping behind her. Then he waits, he wants to be absolutely certain the hot dish is firmly on the table before he attacks. He loves his sister and will not risk hurting her.  
  
Victoria watches her son, her mischievous and honorable one. A rare combination in Nietzschean children. If she was asked for the truth she'd have to admit he is her favorite child. He's so much like her favorite brother was, so how could he not be her favorite child? Yes, rare and special. But then, the children must never know that.  
  
Tyr reaches for his sister's side with one arm, wrapping it around her and pulling her back toward him. His other hand reaches across and begins to tickle her waist. She starts to laugh and twist away. Tyr! Tavia! Victoria says sharply. He reaches out his hand one more time, but the look on his mother's face stops him.  
  
Tyr's two younger siblings, Taleah, 8 and Tamron, 6, virtually tumble into the room. Victoria rolls her eyes, takes one hand in each of her's and guides them to their places. Even sharp rebukes do not work with these two. If Tyr is mischievous, they are consistently ebullient, sometimes almost impossible.   
  
Tarasha, 15 enters the common room from the kitchen, another dish in her hand. Tarahsa is her mother's daughter. Indeed, she had served as surrogate mother to Tavia and Tyr during Tavon's continuing bouts of illness. Of all her children these three are the closest.  
  
Tavon enters the room from the other side, a frown on his face. Born frail, he'd caused her and his father much pain. The decisions to not take his life, to continue having children had not been easy. There had never been any joy in life from this child, even after he'd recovered his health. Now she has an even more serious concern. She'd immediately seen the bruise on Tyr's cheek the night before; demanded an explanation from her older sons. Tavon had rudely stalked from the room.   
  
Terrel had quietly explained what had happened. Terrel, her straightforward and honest one. But with steel in his backbone, quietly commanding respect. Most likely to become an Alpha. Terrel, the only one of her children not joining them at the table tonight while engaged in his initial training as a shrine guard. But Tavon, it pierced her very heart, the cruelty this one was beginning to display.   
  
But now it is time to sit down.  
  
Barbarrosa is watching from the doorway, he catches his mate's eye and gives her an enigmatic smile. She smiles back at him as they take their places at the opposite ends of the table. The room descends into the babble of a large family sharing a meal.  
  
Part 5  
Present  
  
Tyr stirs and opens his eyes, he is alert but not startled. Nothing appears to be wrong. He glances at the deadfall he's set in the entrance to the cave. Yes, everything is intact. He can see light, it's morning.  
  
He glances down at the child sleeping beside him seemingly peacefully. But then he notices the hands clentched, fingernails digging into the palms. He tilts his own head back, his chin rising . He closes his eyes and releases an audible breath; remains still for several seconds, opens his eyes, lowers his head.  
  
He turns to his pouch to survey his provisions. He'd taken enough, but now there were two of them. What if the Maru couldn't get back as planned? The weapons systems had been severly damaged. Unrepairable until they returned to the Andromeda. They couldn't come back for him until conditions settled on the planet.  
  
He shakes his head. 'What were you thinking,Tyr?' Whatever had possessed him? What possible advantage had he gained by saying the boy's life, taking on the responsibilty? He honestly didn't know, but deep inside him something is trying to make the connection.  
  
He reaches over and gently shakes the boy. The child's eyes open, for a brief instant he appears confused. Then he recognizes Tyr and his eyes fill with a deep sadness. "My name is Tyr Anasazi, and yours?" "Derel, Derel Aubreich." comes the response. Something briefly brushes the back of Tyr's mind.  
  
Tyr pulls out two pieces of dried fish and hands one to Derel. With wide eyes the boy brings the food to his mouth and attacks it ravenously. Tyr reachs out, placing his hand on the boy's forearm. "Slowly, he says, slowly. If you're that hungery than eating it quickly will only make you sick. And besides it may be all we can afford today, so try to enjoy it." Derel slows his attack and Tyr turns to his own meal.  
  
"Who were the invaders? Tyr asks when they finish their meal. "Darsum, from the north," Derel answers, "but they usually don't come before full spring, and they've never killed us before."The last is said softly, slowly. 'So,' thought Tyr, 'Beka's intelligence had been right. So what had caused the change?' And of what further use could the boy be to him now, having admitted that this experience was different from the norm.  
  
"We need to find out if they have left." says Tyr. "Oh they've left," says Derel, "they left just before first light." Tyr's estimation of the boy's usefulness changes, and he thinks again of the other 10 yr old boy.  
  
  
Part 6  
Past  
  
Tyr sits on the escarpment looking out to the east toward the city. It is still dark, he loves to watch the sunrise. He remembers the first time he'd done this, he'd been barely three. He'd been sitting in the dark and had been startled to realize his father was sitting behind him.   
  
Barbarosa had reached out, picked him up, and placed his son between his knees, wrapping his arms around the boy. They'd quietly watched the sun rise.  
  
When the sun was well up and the spell was broken Barbarosa had evenly said, "If you wish to leave the house in the middle of the night, please inform me."   
  
So far, all of his children had found some way to assert their independence around this age. But Tyr was the first who had left the house, gotten outside the city, and at night. He shook his head, he would need to pay closer attention to this one.  
  
Tyr shifts as he notices the very first touches of light on the horizon. The memory fades. But now the uneasy feeling that had been gnawing at him ever since he'd left the city becomes a sirenlike blare. Where are the Orca pride guard who were always posted just beyond the city wall?  
  
Part 7  
Present  
  
Tyr approaches the overhang entrance cautiously. "They ARE gone ." Derel says firmly from behind him. As Tyr starts to move again, Derel brushes past him. Gripping Tyr's arm just above the bone spurs, he gives a surprizingly strong push backward. He is answered with a raised eyebrow, but he is already moving out into the alley. Shrugging his shoulders Tyr follows.   
  
Derel moves ahead purposefully, although there is some need for caution in the streets of the devastated settlement, he is certain the Darsum are gone. Tyr begins to notice what the others around them are doing and he starts to understand.   
  
Derel reaches his mother's side. He kneels. For several moments there is no sound, then he reaches out and places his palm fingers spread open on his mother's chest, "The funeral pyre doth burn brightly tonight, and all that love thee watch upon the shore."  
  
" Would you consent to be of some assistance?" he says gravely to Tyr. Tyr hesitates for an instant, but then he feels inklings of the strange connection again. He bends down, lifts the woman, and follows the others.  
  
His mother's body delivered to the memorial site, Derel turns and heads back toward the settlement. "And where to now?" sas Tyr, finally getting a little annoyed. "To get something that belongs to you." responds Derel. Again Tyr follows, this time in utter confusion.  
  
Part 8  
The Past  
  
Tyr springs up and runs toward the nearest city gate. The city guard is mostly ceremonial, but why would they be totally missing.? A deep sense of forboding begins to fill him. Then he starts to berate himself. He had left the city fully an hour earlier. Had he noticed the presence or lack thereof, of the city guard?   
  
He'd discussed this seeming lack of skill with his father and eldest brother quite recently. This had caused Terrel to increase the mock training exercises, but obviously he still wasn't getting it, witness the other night. Maybe   
Tavon was right. He couldn't hear. Or perhaps even worse, he couldn't sense?  
  
His attention is startled back to the present by a streak of white across the slowly brightening sky. It is followed by a loud crack. Transport vessels didn't arrive this early, it disturbed the morning peacefulness of the shrine, something was very wrong indeed. He reachs the gate and enters the portico unhindered. He stands in the shadows as he turns outward again, and notes figures moving through the trees. Drago-Kazov he realizes. Why would the Drago-Kazov be approaching the city this way? Their pilgrims normally arrived in a blaze of glory. 'Arrogant ....', having expressed that thought out loud in the past had earned him his Mother's wrath.   
  
Confusion whirls in his head. 'Move Tyr,' the thought comes, he has to warn his father. As he turns to enter the city a Drago-Kazov troop transport descends into the shrine square. Well, now his father undoubtedly knows. If only he had been more alert. He runs to the western portico of the shrine. He sees his father with the other two members of the shrine council, all three backed by some of their eldest sons, his two brothers among them. He continues to his father's side.  
  
Caveron Tel, father of Lerek Tel, Kodiak Alpha, and head of the council, steps forward. The transport hatch slides open and the Alpha of Drago-Kazov pride steps out. "We have come to claim the body of the Progenitor" he says forcefully. "And who has decided to remove it from the shrine?" says Caveron quietly. "I have, and I will." is the response. "We should talk." responds Caveron.  
  
Tyr shifts nervously at his father's side. Barbarosa's eyes blaze at his son, but Tyr persists. Catching his father's eyes with his own he moves them first right, then left. As Barbarosa's move to follow his son's charged energy weapons fire from all around them. Tyr groans, realizing another mistake. Why had he not immediately told his father about the Drago-Kazov outside the walls? What had he been thinking?  
  
"Tyr, into the shrine" shouts Barbarosa. Tyr hesitates, chagrin on his face. "The Guardians, your sister" shouts his father again. Tyr understands and turns, dodging blasts from the weapons. He has no weapon, his father and brothers do, but not him. The Guardians will have weapons though. Tarasha is an excellent fighter, can still best him easily. But she and the others need to know what's happening outside. He must do everything to help her, the beloved sister who helped to raise him.  
  
He swings the ornate shrine door closed behind him sliding the bolt shut. Dariya Tel, youngest daugher at 13 of the Alpha, approaches him, the hint of a smile on her face. Small and lithe, he's just beginning to notice her. But she sees the look in his eyes, the tension on his face, the bolt closed on the door, and the smile leaves her face."What?" she asks worriedly. "Drago-Kazov...ambush" he says.  
  
She grabs his hand and runs to the east, toward the post of Tylva, the senior Guardian on duty. Tylva looks at them, running normally isn't permitted in the shrine. But both of these two are children of council members, Dariya already a Guardian, and neither of them makes a habit of breaking the rules. Tyr repeats his statement to Tylva. Her face goes white. She glides to the weapons cabinet, first choses a discharge weapon. But no, he's only ten and won't yet have the experience. She reaches for a staff. He's still bested by his eldest brother and sister with one, but better than many of the 15 year old boys. She hands it to him. Behind them they hear the crash as the shrine door gives way.  
  
Tylva mouths to Dariya, you know your post. Then she grabs Tyr's hand and together they run to hers. As the warriors enter she starts to fire. Tyr slides under her arm, low to the floor. Using the staff on legs, he knows he has a chance of doing some good. He manages to knock down three of the invaders before he's hit with the first shock. He shakes off his disorientation and whirls. As he comes around he catches sight of his sister and Rechain, back-to-back, they're surrounded by at least ten Drago-Katsov warriors. But they seem to be holding their own. He squats, again he moves for the attack, six times more he's hit by a charge. But he's managed some damage in between.  
  
He's now dizzy though, he notices out of the corner of his eye that both Tarasha and Rechain are down. Tylva closer to him is squatting, one hand on the floor to balance herself. A Drago-Katsov warrior is aiming point blank at her back. Tyr forces himself to his feet and charges. But it's no good. He feels the horrifying pain of bone spurs cutting into his chest, and slips into unconsciousness  
  
Part 9  
Present  
  
Tyr follows Derel through a maze of small streets and alleyways. They eventually come to a modest building. Its exterior is heavily damaged but it does not appears to be unsecure. Derel walks to a panel at the side of the door. The access springs open and Derel places his eye close to a scanner. Nothing happens, but now Tyr is very attentive. Derel reaches and takes Tyr's left hand isolating his index finger. Then sliding his own finger next to Tyr's he places them both on another scanner. A few seconds later the access panel to the building slides open.   
  
Derel leads them inside. Not a dwelling Tyr realizes, no, more like a library, his confusion grows. Derel continues to lead them until they come to another access. A similar procedure, but this time Derel adds something that he does not reveal to Tyr. They enter a hugh room. Work stations line the left wall, data disk storage the right, with a single workstation close to the door. Derel punches instructions into the storage control station and things start to happen. Several minutes later a data disk emerges from a slot above the workstation. Derel turns and solemnly hands the disk to Tyr. "Anasazi Family" says the label.  
  
Tyr's eyes fly to Derel's face. He struggles to think, Aubreich, yes Aubreich, Arcturus Aubreich. He looks at Derel's face again, more carefully. Yes, why had he not noticed the resemblance before? Because those memories were buried deep within him, firmly locked behind a VERY secure door. Tyr turns and walks to one of the data stations, inserts the disk, and pulls out the chair. He feels Derel's hand on his forearm again. "This will be extremely painful," Derel says. Tyr sits, and starts to access the data......  
  
and sees the death of every member of his family. His father had covered him as he made the run to the shrine door, Terrel at Barbarosa's back, Tavon not far away. The three had joined then in defense of the shrine, but the initial ambush had cut down too many of the others. There were just too many of the Drago-Kazov. He watchs in horror as one-by-one they fall. Inside the shrine, he sees what he'd missed of Tarasha's death, and his own horrible wounding. Then Tavia, closest to him in age and heart, she'd apparently been about to enter the baker's. Had whirled at the sound, her sense had always been better than his. But she was an 11 yr old girl against 5 grown men. She had no weapon. He closed his eyes as he saw her crumple to the ground. Now, his mother and the two little ones, bright, competent, but still at play. The memories come tumbling out, but he makes himself watch again.  
  
He shakes, anger grows in him. Then the treachery is all revealed. The Drago-Katsov decision to reclaim, the negotiations with the Kodiak 'allies', he wants to spit, the plans for the actual attack. Tyr's anger rises with every scene, but his memory capture is active. Every who, every where. Retribution, yes retribution, guilt grows within his heart, retribution screams in his mind. The data stream ends.  
  
Tyr reaches out and punches the eject control, moves to place the disk in his pouch. Derel moves around in front of him, he doesn't dare touch Tyr now. He reaches into the storage cabinet and takes out a fresh disk, reaching out his other hand toward the one Tyr holds. He's relieved to have it placed in his hand. He copies the disk and hands the copy back to Tyr. "This one stays in the archives," he says as he quietly replaces the original in the control station.  
  
"Now it's time to find your ride, I think" says Derel as he leads Tyr out of the Archive Hall.  
  
Part 10  
The Past  
  
Tyr's eyes blink open, he stirs, and almost loses consciousness again as the pain in his chest expands to rip through his entire body. But he still hears sounds outside, has to know what's happening, has to help the members of his betrayed pride. Slowly, carefully he moves to each of the Guardians arrayed around the temple. But all the young women are dead. He tries to think, 'no, not the main entrance.' Still in grave pain he moves behind the altar and departs the shrine through the back alcove, into the alley. He wants to go to the square, his father, his brothers, but there is no way for him to make his way there without going completely out into the open.  
  
Remaining in the alley, he carefully he makes his way toward his home. As he approaches the sounds get louder. He looks out around corners, endeavoring to make himself as inconspicuous as possible. He has his home in sight. Then he sees them, Victoria, leading Taleah and Tamron, one small hand in each of her's. But the Drago-Kazov are right behind them. Tamron trips, Victoria looses her grip. As she turns to reach for Tamron, she sees Tyr, blood completely soaking the front of his garments. She hesitates, 'but she is too slow,' thinks Tyr, and the Drago-Kazov warriors descend on the three.   
  
He wants to help, every fiber in his body screams to help, but he's exhausted, literally can't move. As he watches in horror the slaughter of his mother and two younger siblings the blackness takes hold again. He slips to the ground. This saves his life.  
  
Tyr awakens again, it's dark, it's cold. He tries to move. 'No, don't move,' his body screams to him. It's quiet, but he's got to get out of the street if he's going to live. He's fighting hypothermia, blood is still seeping from the holes in his chest. He trys to stand again, but it's no use, he can't even crawl.  
  
He swims up out of the darkness yet again. Slowly he opens his eyes, but that's not the sky above him. He's inside a ship!? He's warm at last. Wrapped in blankets he realizes, and someone's arms are wrapped around him. He tenses. "You're safe now." says a soothing male voice. He tries to turn his head to look, but even in a medicated state the pain in his chest makes him think better of it. "I needed to sleep myself, but had to be certain I didn't let you drown in your own blood."  
  
Arcturus carefully lifts the boy, slipping out from behind him. He places a wedge on the bed and carefully sets Tyr down again. Moving so that Tyr can see his eyes, he holds out his hand. "Arcturus Aubreich, and you are Tyr Anasazi" Tyr hesitates, how does this non-Nietzschean even know his name? But, there's something strange too, he suddenly has absolutely no fear of the man or his intentions. He would almost feel peaceful accept for the recent events.  
  
Tyr tries to rise from the bed. Aubreich gently places a hand on his chest. "You must rest" he says sternly. "But I have to find them" says Tyr. "All in good time," says Arcturus, "it's astounding that you didn't bleed to death. You can't afford to lose ANY MORE blood right now." Tyr groans and settles back onto the bed.   
  
Arcturus continues to tend the wounded boy. Several days later, Tyr is strong enough to leave his bed. "Now it's time." says Arcturus. He leads Tyr out of the ship, through the woods, back to the shrine fasthold. All is quiet. They enter the shrine, the bodies are arrayed row upon row. Tyr hesitates, the grip on Arcturus' hand becomes tighter. Arcturus leads him to the proper row. Tyr first sees his mother and the two little ones, squeezes his eyes shut. 'No!' he doesn't want that vision again. Then he sees his other siblings; two brothers, two sisters, the shaking starts again. Finally, Barbarosa; Tyr kneels down, places his hand upon his father's chest. Then the tears overwhelm him, shaking so violent he can barely survive the physical and emotional pain. Arcturus reaches down and scoops up the boy, holding him close. As Tyr buries his head in Arcturus' shoulder, he carries the boy out of the shrine.  
  
They've traveled far. It seems a pleasant enough planet. "They will allow you to stay here for a while, you'll be safe." says Arcturus. Tyr thanks the Realian Keeper of History for his assistance and descends from the ship. As the ship rises he turns his back. When it is silent the door slams shut in his memory. He will never cry again. He picks up his pack and heads for the distant city.  
  
Part 11  
Present  
  
Tyr boards the Eureka Maru. He's failed to convince Derel to come with them, but now he knows; no reason to convince Derel to come with them. Derel will be fine. Any Realian Keeper of History would be fine here. Now the question is will he be?  
  
He silently stashes his pouch and slides to the deck against the bulkhead behind and to the right of Beka in the command chair. He tilts back his head and closes his eyes. " Rough planetfall?" says Beka. There is no response. "O_k" she says, and turns her attention to piloting.  
  
But it is six days back to the Andromeda, and by the forth day nothing has changed. The normally reticent Tyr is quieter still. This isn't the result of their last time alone together. This is something different and Beka is starting to worry. She finally corners him as he's getting something to eat. " Are you alright?" she says, true concern in her voice. His eyes are downcast, he won't even look at her, he turns and leaves the mess. When they return to Andromeda nothing has changed.  
  
Dylan enters the obs deck. Tyr sits at a workstation. Again he's purusing the data disk that he seems to have obtained on the Realian planet. He's told none of them anything about the contents of the disk, even Trance's gentle overtures have been rebuffed, Rommie's normal checks unable to get close; but obviously it has him very upset.   
  
Tyr's actually shaking. Dylan moves toward him, worry on his face. Tyr half turns. The look in his eyes quite clearly tells Dylan not to approach. Tyr finishes reading. He sighs heavily and places his head in his hands, his eyes pressing into the heels of his palms. His head is moving from side to side. He's so obviously in distress Dylan moves toward him again. Tyr's arm crosses his chest, his hand comes up above his shoulder vertically, his palm facing back toward Dylan, creating an unassailable wall. His other arm is wrapped around him now, fist resting just below his shoulder. His chin is on his chest. His eyes are closed. 'What is causing Tyr so much pain?" thinks Dylan. But obviously Tyr wants will accept no help.  
  
What now, thinks Tyr, confused responses dancing in his mind. No, no longer confused. It's no longer necessary to wait for the Drago-Kazov or the other traitor prides to come after him for the next step in the drama. Now he has the answers he needs. Now it's his decision what to do next. He knows full well this decision will involve the entire crew, but he's not ready to confide in any of them yet. He stands, avoiding Dylan's look, removes the data disk, and strides off the obs deck.   
  
Tyr walks into his quarters, the door hissing shut behind him. He leans, forehead and one hand against the wall, eyes closed for several minutes. A shudder runs through him, but he wouldn't allow himself tears, not even here, not even now. He walks over to his workstation. He seals the data disk with his personal privacy code, then places it in his wall safe. He is tired and heads for bed. None of it will look different in the morning.   
  
Posted SS Aug 14-26, 2001 


End file.
